Changing how you think and feel about yourself and about life is a process. The key is to accept that it is a process, and to stay open, willing and vulnerable along the way.
fierce is not a destination or a way that you become. Being fierce is about moving forward and focusing on faith. It’s about a way of being in every moment.
You see, it’s not the absence of the dark, but the focus on the light that makes you fierce. It’s the focus on the light despite the dark; the focus on the faith despite the fear.
I’m way better than I used to be at being fierce because I harness the power of my choice in every moment of every day. I practiced catching myself in the thought, choosing a new thought and entering into my power – I was diligent.
But still, even though I’ve done so much work, sometimes something happens and I have a voice that comes up and says, “You’re an idiot.” As soon as I hear that voice, instead of following that voice down the rabbit whole and finding all of the reasons I can for why I’m an idiot, I have to notice it and say to myself, “Wow, there’s that voice again. That’s kind of crazy – it’s that voice from when I was 8.” I still have to choose not to listen to it. It’s still a choice. The truth is, it will always be a choice, and opportunities to choose will keep coming up. There won’t come a time when you will stop having opportunities to choose being fierce over choosing fear.
When I was 25 I was actually the victim of violent crime, and I found myself down on my knees once again in my life asking myself, Why am I here? I had done so much work, and then all of a sudden, something happened and it put me back down. I said to myself, All I’ve been doing is trying to get up. Why are you knocking me down again? That’s how I felt.
Then I realized that what I needed to do in that moment is have faith in myself. Again, it was a choice in that moment. It didn’t matter how much work I had done in the past – I needed to choose in that moment. So I did. I chose to have faith in myself and follow my soul. That moment ended up becoming the beginning of a two-year adventure for me where I had many opportunities to practice trusting myself. (For tips on how to have faith in yourself, see my post Surrender and Have Faith.)
So I’ve now learned that being fierce isn’t about a characteristic that you can obtain or somewhere you can arrive; it’s about being fierce in the moments that you have to choose fear or faith. When a fearful thought comes up, I choose to let it pass. And then I move on – I make a new, empowered choice.
It does take time, but the more you harness the power of your choice, release resistance to fear and accept the fear, you actually rewire your brain—your neuro pathways.
When you choose faith over fear, you also set yourself up for the next step which is to transform the fear into something else; you become able to see that the fear actually has a purpose.
Whatever fear you are experiencing actually serves your higher purpose, and is probably something you will be helping other people with. When you overcome your fears—when you choose to be fierce in the face of them—you evolve into the magical creature that you really are. And by doing this in itself, you can’t help but light the path for others to follow – it just happens. You become that magnetic, magical person around which people become healed, just being in your presence, because you own your truth – you’re in your power.
So go easy on yourself. Be kind to yourself in this process. Know that it takes time to re-wire your brain, and remember that fierce is a process – a choice that you get to make moment by moment so you can continually move beyond your fears and into faith.